The End of Restless Sleep

[josef]

Chapter 3: Moist Curtains. (#1)
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Usually I reach my maternal uncle’s house by Friday night, however on that Saturday I had some office work so I arrived late evening. I was sure that my grandma was in her puja room offering puja. My maternal aunt, Sudha Mami, greeted me. I asked her that whether grandma was furious or not. She laughed at me and said that she was waiting for me since afternoon. I pleaded her and told her the reason of my late coming. I knew that my maternal uncle, Narendra Mama, was at his shop. He has a big shop of clothes in the market near the highway. I sat beside her and asked her about Debadideb, my cousin brother, who got married last year and was staying in Durgapur.

I walked upstairs to my grandma’s puja room. She was reading some religious books. I looked at my octogenarian beauty, bedecked in milky white cotton sari, head full of white locks tied in a neat bun behind. In the light of the earthen lamp, she was looking like a peaceful angel. My eyes were moistened by a sudden flow of devotion. I was a corpse; she breathed her soul into me. Cautiously I crept and sat beside her side.

She got startled held by my ears and scolded, “So you now got time to visit me? What on earth happened to you yesterday?” I pleaded her to leave my ears. I embraced her and said her reason. She looked at my face and ruffled my hair. She asked about my well-beings. Although I have to give her the same answers every weekend but I never felt tired of that.

We walked in her room. I looked at the picture of my mother on the wall. Her smiling face brought me in tears; she left me for the heavenly abode when I was a year short of my school-final exams. She was very beautiful and caring. She was vocal when I was sent to hostel at a very tender age. After the demise of my beloved mother, I never had a permanent address to live in.

Grandma asked me to sit beside her. She looked at the hanging picture of my mother and said to me “I have a news for you. I don’t know whether it is good or bad.”

I felt a long silence engulfing my mind and soul was she having some health problem, was she going to leave me like my mother? I knew that humans are mortal but the mere thought shook every tentacles of my brain. I gave a frightening look at her.

“Biswajeet wants to meet you. He called your uncle last Wednesday and was asking about your whereabouts. He did not give your address to him, so Biswajeet left his telephone number and his address with your uncle.” Her words felt like molten lava being poured in my ears. I clenched my teeth while hearing the mere name of my father. He evaded his duty for long; he was never there when I wanted him the most. He left me at my Grandma’s place and never looked back. He washed his hands from taking my responsibility by handing over some amount. What on earth, does he want from me after a decade? Grandma ruffled my hair, “You have grown up and now you are doing a job. For long, I have guarded you with every ounce of my flesh. My bones are cracking, let me go now.”

Tears were flowing from her eyes. I felt a burning sensation in my eyes my vision was deluged. I embraced her with all my might so as not leave her ever, “Don’t dare to leave me Grandma.”

She wiped her eyes and said, “Next year you will be twenty seven, I want to see my grand-daughter-in-laws face before I sleep.”

I gave her a naughty smile, “How do you expect someone to take my heart when there is already a beautiful angel like you.” I took her hand in mine and kissed.

The very next evening when I was returning to Kolkata, grandma asked me whether I would meet my father or not. I looked up the dark evening sky, nodded my head that I would like to confront him.

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Chapter 3: Moist Curtains. (#2)
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I was hesitant in the beginning whether I should make a call or not. The address was of Dhanbad, ICL colony. One night my mother’s smiling face appeared before my eyes, I got the courage to face the person who evaded from his responsibility. I picked up the receiver and dialled the number.

There was a female voice on the other end “Hello, who is this?”

I took a deep breath; I felt a lull before the approaching tempest. In an ice-cold voice I answered, “I want to speak to Mr. Biswajeet Gosh.”

The voice on the other end again asked for the reason. I kept quiet for some time and then asked her, “May I know with whom am I talking to?”

The voice on the other end sounded perturbed, “Is this a joke at this point of night?”

“Tell him, Mr. Bappaditya Gosh wants to speak with him.” I answered in an ice-cold tone.

There was a long silence on the both the ends. After some time I heard my father’s voice after a decade. I forgot my vocabulary as what to answer. I tried to gather myself and asked him about his health. I sensed a shadow of pain in his voice. He requested me to visit him. I was practically lost and was very much perturbed by his invitation. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the forthcoming encounter.

After that day, I was very much disturbed. I was unable to concentrate in my work properly. Titli sensed my agitation and asked the reason of that. Very aptly, I dodged her inquisitions and presented her some excuse. Her facial expression told me that she was not satisfied by my answer. Since she was an intelligent woman, she refrained herself from putting further queries on me.

On an early Saturday morning, I boarded the train to Dhanbad. With each passing minute, I felt an agonising pain inside me parallel to that pain I felt a tinge of disgust as why I was going to meet him. By noon, I was in-front of the door of the said address.

A lady in her early thirties opened the door. From her suave dressing sense and graceful physique, I tried to muster up her relation with my father. She smiled at me and ushered me in. She asked me to sit down. I looked around the huge palatial house. My father was in a senior position in ICL. I looked on the walls bedecked with some beautiful paintings.

The moment I saw him entering the drawing room, I turned into a stone effigy. We both lost our vocabulary for some time. My throat went dry, ears burned and eyes were pouring fiery lava. I gained my senses when he touched my shoulder and asked me as how I was doing.

I gave a painful smile at him and answered in mocking tone, “It took a decade for you to ask this question to me, isn’t it.”

Father answered, “I am sorry for whatever happened in the past. After your mother’s demise, the work pressure took a heavy toll on me. I was afraid of taking any responsibility other than my work. Speaking from the bottom of my heart, I desperately wanted to climb the ladder of success.” He paused for a moment for a breath, “I came to know that you are doing a job.”

“By the grace of Almighty and my grandma I am doing fine.” I looked at him and then asked “May I know the reason what made you remember me after such a long period?”

He looked behind; I saw that the lady was standing there with a tray full of edibles and tea. He gestured her to come. After she kept the tray on the centre-table, she stood behind my father.

Father introduced her, “She is Nilanjana, she is .....” The image in front of me explained everything. I stopped him in the mid sentence and gently bowed my head in courtesy.

He smiled at me, “A naughty ghost is also there.” He looked towards Nilanjana and then said to me “Probably he is playing in the backyard.” The psychedelic canvas of his happy family burnt my soul to the core.

On the dining table, I came to know the main reason of his remembrance. He had a stroke few months back. He wanted to see me and refurbish the waned away bridge between us. He wanted to give a part of his property to me. Without any words, I listened all his pleas and requests. I felt that my hunger was gone.

I observed that Nilanjana did not joined us on the table, rather was serving the food, instead of the servants.

He asked me stopover for the night. I denied his request politely. I felt his pain, dripping from his eyes. He asked for my telephone number and address. I felt that I should at least provide him with that. I sensed that my presence would strike a bashful stroke on his beautiful canvas. It would have been better to step aside.

“My car will drop you. I will also come along with you.” My father stammered.

I looked at my watch said, “No need, the train leaves in few hours. This much path, I can also walk alone.”
For the first time, I heard Nilanjana to speak to me, “I would have been glad if you could stay tonight.”

I smiled at her and said, “Actually Madam, I can’t sleep without my favourite pillow and I forgot to bring that.”

After finishing that sentence, I walked away without looking back. For the whole return journey, I felt lost and dejected once again. For a whole decade, I consoled and pulled up myself that I had no father and then all of a sudden he arrives and create ripples in my life.

I closed my moist eyes, my beloved mom consoled me and said, “Keep faith in me, I am here.”
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[josef]

Chapter 4: Time extortion. (#1)
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For first few days, I confined myself in my solitary cell. I avoided talking much with any friends, even Titli. After the computer classes, I used to make lame excuses to her. I was afraid that she might fathom my wanderer life style and dark past. Anirban noticed that and asked me the reason. Somehow, I avoided him also. Grandma asked me to gather myself up.


Titli caught me one day before the class started, “Are you avoiding me for some reason? No, no, tell me directly, I won’t mind.”

Her angry eyes melted away all those dark clouds. I laughed at her, “Why on earth should I avoid you? I am grateful to have such a beautiful friend.”

She sat beside me, “Then why are you not talking to me?”

I put up a big grin on my face, “See, I am showing my teeth, now you are happy?”

“So giving me a lift after the class?” she asked. I bowed my head and said, “Sure Madam.”

On the way return, she told me that her final exams were coming near. The dates are before the Durga Puja. I assured her that since she was a good student, she would fair well in her exams. She asked me whether I would be able to help her in her studies. I said to her that, I do not have much time for myself so how come I could help her. I used to return home late after my job and the classes. On every weekend I had visit my grandma also.

She feigned angst, “You don’t have time for me.”

“I don’t have time for myself, Titli, try to understand. Moreover, do joint study with your friends rather than me. That will help you a lot.” I tried to dissuade her. I knew that my words hurt her.

Our semester was ending and the days of her exams were near. She asked me a favour to wait for before joining the next final semester of the course. I assured her that I would wait for her. She was happy after I gave her my word.

After the semester was over, there was no more nagging Titli. I felt a void in my daily routine but that waned away as I persuaded my heart that she was just a friend and I should not encourage any advances from either side.

The rain clouds were dissipating slowly. One night it was drizzling, I was alone in my two room flat, watching television. Late was the hour and the phone rang. She made an unexpected call.

“Slept already? Had your dinner? What did you had? Are you alone in the room? What are you doing?” she started showering rapid-fire queries.

“Titli, titli, will you let me talk or you will babble alone. You have not slept until now? And how come you found time to call me?” I asked her.

“No, no. I am all ears for you. Today, dad is not at home, so I found time to call you. So what are you doing?” she asked.

“Preparing to goto bed.” I answered.

“It is raining outside.” She giggled, “I would love to dance in the rain but my exams are from next week. You don’t love rain I suppose. How can a rugged person like you knows what is rain?” I knew that she was teasing me.

“You have completed your studies?” I scolded her “Study girl, study hard.”

“You are a real boring person. Keep the phone.” She got annoyed and cut the line.

I could not sleep properly that night. Whenever I closed my eyes, I dreamt her smiling face in front of me. I sat on the bed and told to myself, “Do not encourage any advance, Budhaditya. You are not a match for her. She is beautiful, suave, rich and her parents will not allow you to come near her. She is of higher caste than yours and her parents will not allow their daughter’s unwanted hankers.”

For a whole month, there was no nagging of Titli around me. At times, when I used to return home after office, I felt the void on my pillion. I smiled and thwarted away those dreamy thoughts.

Spring thwarted monsoon clouds. There were tufts of white clouds floating under the curtain of navy blue sky. The fresh air smelt of Puja approaching. The ambience of the streets of Kolkata was gaining momentum with each passing day. People were busy in shopping. While returning from office, every day I had to face huge jams in the streets. I looked up the sky; my mom’s beautiful eyes were showering her blessings on me. Grandma requested me to take her to Haridwar and Hrishikesh during that Durga Puja. Every weekend grandma pestered for my marriage and in some pretext or another, I avoided confronting her queries.

One day she asked me, “Are you in love with some one?”

“Not at all, Grandma. No one will marry such a rugged heartless fellow. You know very well that I don’t have those inside me.” I tried to make excuses.

Her prying eyes sensed that something was wrong; she kept on pestering me with her queries. At last I had to break the ice that, I had a very good friend, Anoushka Bannerjee. Grandma asked me the problems. I explained the problems at her end and I told her that I would rather remain unmarried for the rest of my life. I did not want to bind any person’s fate with my ill fate.


She listened to me and then said, “Adi, I don’t know about afterlife, I don’t even believe in rebirth also. Make the most of your life; be clear in your heart, all that I can say.”

I assured her that I would tread cautiously in the murky waters of the river.
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Chapter 4: Time extortion. (#2)
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On that day, I just returned from office. As soon as I entered my house, the phone rang.
It was Titli’s voice on the other end, “What are you doing? Can you come at Hathibagan, I am in a problem.”
I was about to ask her regarding her problems, but she disconnected the phone. I was afraid and without thinking of anything, I started for the place. For whole time, I was praying that some worst should not happen with her.
The place was a market place and even she did not tell me as where she would wait. I thought it would be best to wait near the crossing. I parked my bike and stood there anxiously. My eager eyes were trying to find her in the midst of the huge crowd; Durga Puja was coming near.
I got startled as I heard a giggle from backside. I looked only to find that Titli was standing there along with three girls, they were her college friends. She was laughing on beholding my anxious face.

“What happened? I knew that you would wait here. This is the only place that is bit less crowded.” She said to me.

“What is your problem?” I asked her.

“Who told you I have problem.” She was sporting a naughty smile on her lips.

After a long time I was meeting her. She was looking very beautiful in her silhouette hugging sleeveless kurta and salwar. A small blue dot graced between her brows. Her red lips was glistening, seemed to be soaked in honey. Her rosy cheeks seem to beckon me for a tiny peck. Her hair was weaved in a long braid. I felt a hypnotic halo surrounding her. The night-lights felt slippery on her creamy complexion. In the yellow streetlights, she appeared like a nymph. My vision was riveted on her enchanting beauty; I forgot time.

She gently nudged me by my arm “What happened? Can we go?”

I looked around; all her friends were staring at me. I asked her again “Why have you called me?”

She whispered, “For shopping, what else? Come on, start walking we are getting late.” She looked at her friends and asked them to walk. “You know all of them. You met them at Newmarket.”

I could not speak for a moment; I could not find words as to explain the feelings in my heart. I was trying to get away from her yet I kept on bouncing on her frequently.

I asked her, “Your parents know that you have come for shopping?”

She nodded her head, “Yes Adi, I am not a liar. I told them that I was going out for shopping with my friends.” She was walking very close to me; her arms were brushing on mine. Due to the huge crowd, I held her by her upper arm to guard her. She looked at me and whispered, “That’s the reason I called you. I feel safe when you are around me.” Her eyes sparkled as she said those words to me.

I lowered my voice to ask her, “Titli, you did shopping before with your friends even when I was not present.”

She got bit annoyed, “You don’t want to come with me, then just let me go.”
I felt that the sweet damsel could get angry; I did not want to mar her Puja shopping. I nodded my head and assured her that everything was ok she could carry on her shopping. Shopping with ladies during Puja is real tough situation for me. I rather refrain myself from going out in the crowd but I had to. At times, I looked at her, I wanted to go away from her but I was unable to do so. Some force was attracting me towards her relentlessly.

“Why didn’t you contact me for a month?” she asked.

“You asked me not to call you, remember?” I answered.

“Oh! Do you know that where there is a will there is a way.” She looked deeply in my eyes “Basically you did not had that will to call me. Tell me frankly.” That was the actual reason for not calling her. I was perplexed on hearing that from her. She gave me a naughty smile, “I told you that I will wring out your time for me.”

Her last words made me laugh. “What are you going to buy?” I asked her.

“What do you like?” She asked me.

“Every kind of dress suits you. I would rather love traditional attire for you.” I said to her.

“You did not call me for your shopping?” She pinched me.

I laughed at her, “I don’t like shopping in huge crowd. Whatever I had to buy, I prepare that advance. I don’t barge into shops like you and rummage the whole shop for a small scarf.”

“So you don’t like. You are such a boring person.” She hissed at me. She entered in a huge garment store “Ok now choose something for me.”

I scratched my head, which was an uphill task for me. Never in my whole life I had the experience of going out for shopping with any girl. I looked at her perplexed.

“What?” she exclaimed at me “Aren’t you going to present me something for the Puja?”

“Titli, you choose, I will pay.” I pleaded her.

She kept on imploring me, “Please, please, please.” I looked at her and assured her that I would buy her some dress. She and her other two friends went to the counter for choosing dress. I stood behind watching her.

[josef]

Chapter 4: Time extortion. (#3)
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“Hi” One of her friend named Parineeta came near me and asked me, “What do you do?”

She was a dusky in complexion; her build was voluptuous she possessed a striking feature of oozing sensuality in her small yet inviting eyes. I answered her that I was in a job. I asked her about her exams and so and so forth our conversation went on.

With the corner of my eye, I kept a careful watch on Titli. She was an apt danseuse during her college days and was attached with a renowned dancing troupe of Kolkata. Her regular dancing practice keeps her in well-proportioned frame in a perfect shape possessing a figure to die for.

She asked me, “Do you like Anoushka?” the query came as a jolt to me. My brows constricted on hearing her words, I gave a sharp look at her. She laughed at me, “Don’t give me that look, I just want to know, that’s all. I asked Anoushka about you but she did not say anything.”

I was even not clear about our relation, all I wanted to have a good friend nothing more. I looked at Titli; she was busy in choosing her dress. She was glancing at me at-times, checking on me. I nodded my head, “We are good friends.”

She smiled on hearing my answer, “Hmmm.... Her father is very strict about her having any boyfriend. None of our male classmates ever tread near her house. Her father is in a good position in a Calcutta port trust.”

I nodded my head to convey that I was well aware of those facts and then I asked her, “By the way who is Samudra?”

She gave an inquisitive look, “Do you know him?” I nodded my head to say that I didn’t. She explained me that Samudra was their batch mate in college. Anoushka was not at all interested as Samudra’s nature made her angry. I preferred not to ask further about that.

“Come here” Titli shouted at me. I walked by her side, she showed a violet coloured dress she has chosen for her “How is this?”

I nodded my head to express my acknowledgement.

“Just like that? Say something, good or bad.” She almost barked at me.

I laughed and closed my eyes, tried to imagine Titli in that dress, violet sleeveless kurta and tight salwar. The colour would suit very well against her skin, “Yes it will be a good one. Take that.” I asked the person at the counter regarding the price of the dress.

“Are you going to pay?” she asked.

“Yes definitely, how can I make my best friend sad?” I smiled and paid for that dress.

Time was flowing very fast, I asked Titli whether there would be any problem at her house or not. She assured me that her parents know that she was out with her friends. She has the permission to reach home late. I asked her to give a look at her watch, as it was half-past nine.

She exclaimed on hearing the time, “Oh! No I have to return.” She looked at her friends had some farewell girly chitchat. I stood at a distance and watched her chirping like sparrow.

I shouted at her, “Titli, it is getting late, come on we have to go.”

She looked at me, “Coming, just wait” and then waved at her friends, bidding them farewell.

She jumped on the pillion of my bike, held me by my waist tightly, and rested her chin on my right shoulder. I felt her delicate frame melting on my back. Previously whenever she used to sit on the pillion, she used to hold by shoulder just to support her from falling. I clenched my teeth to suppress my feelings but at the same time enjoyed her touch on me. I felt her warm breath on my nape. The temperature of my nape rose as her soft cheek brushing on my nape. Her embrace tightened around my waist as I slapped the accelerator. She was quiet for long time, probably enjoying her freedom.

We reached the entrance of the lane that lead to her house. She asked me after getting down from the bike, “What are you doing during Puja?”

I answered her, “I have to take my Grandma for a trip to Haridwar and Hrishikesh.”

A gloom shadow overcast her beautiful face, “The next semester is going to start on first of November, be there at the centre on that date.”

“Ok, don’t worry about that, I will be there.” I answered. I was unable to stand her gloomy expression on her face. I felt a huge wave to culminate near my throat, I love you Anoushka. But those words never came to my lips, I blankly stared to the dark Prussian blue sky studded with millions of stars. Time flew; each passing second seemed to be a year to me. She still stood near my bike waiting to say something.

After sometime she coughed and spoke in a bit shaky tone, “Ok, good night.”

I felt like crying my heart out, Don’t go Titli, I love you. I smiled at her and nodded my head.

Still she stood there. I looked deeply in her big eyes and was about to say something. I felt her eager expression to hear those unspoken words, from me.
“Do you want to say something?” she asked me.
“No, Go home, your parents might be waiting for you.” I started the bike.

Her voice shook a little, “Good night” those beautiful eyes were glistening. She stood there as I rode into darkness.

I knew that it was better not to commit anything. Probably we both knew that our relation could not take the next step due to her family pressure and my dark past. I was unable to sleep that night. For the whole night, I kept on thinking about my poor fate, her barrier. I knew she would not cross that barrier, as she was a timid and lovely person. She would not go against her parents in any case.
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Chapter 5: Thunders in blue sky.
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I took grandma for the trip. We returned few days after Durga puja. After returning, I joined my work place. Every evening whenever I returned, I used to stop by the bus stand near her house. I bore a faint hope that I might see her somewhere. I did not have the courage to make a call to her house. Every moment seemed to be very void to me. I missed her on the pillion of my bike, I missed her touch on my back and I missed her sweet smile.


One evening when I was taking dinner, Grandma asked me as why I was so absent minded. I tried to avoid her question by answering that I had some problems in my job.

“That is not the truth, Adi. Your eyes are depicting pain. You have not spoken to Anoushka for a long time, right?” She asked me.

It was hard to conceal pain from my beloved grandma’s eyes; I was caught red-handed. I nodded my head that she was right.

She ruffled my hair and smiled, “I want to meet her and can you bring her here?”

“Grandma that is not possible in a thousand years. Her father is very strict person and very closely guards his dignity and prestige.” I tried to persuade her in a calm voice.

She asked me, “Have you spoken to her about your feelings yet?”

“No grandma” I said in a low voice, “We both know that our future is unsure.”

She shook her head, “Hmm... We all live in society and the higher up you are in the society, higher is your risk to lose your dignity. Her father fears that what the society will say about. I can understand that very well.”

“What can I do?” I asked her.

She expressed her dismay, “If you both stay near to each other then there will be only pain and nothing else. You have to go away from Kolkata, Adi. Out of sight out of mind. I will speak with Deb to find you a job in Durgapur.”

“So you mean that I leave you, again?” I gave a painful look at her “I can sacrifice thousands of such love for you.”

She soothed my hair and persuaded me, “Adi, try to understand. I may be here for another year or so, you have started your life. You have to make your choice now. You have to be strong enough to brace the fact that you are going to lose her or you have to be strong enough to face his father. In both the case, you have to show your courage. Choose your path wisely, Adi.”

That night was painful for me. I was unable to sleep for the whole night and kept tossing on the bed. I kept on creating permutations and combinations of our relation and our future.

I knew from the bottom of my heart that she loves me but due to her father’s adamant nature she abstained from expressing her heart. I was quiet sure that she was aware that the same turbulence was abstaining me from saying those three words to her. At last, I made up my mind to leave Kolkata.

Few days after that I left my grandma at my maternal uncle’s house. I was in the office, I received a call from my uncle, and he sounded very upset. From his hello sound, I got the picture clear as crystal in my head, that my grandma was no more in this world. I was unable to move for few minutes. With clenched teeth, I controlled myself. I drove as fast as I can with my snivelled eyes.

On reaching my uncle’s house, I saw my grandma, draped in a milky white cloth, lying on the ground. The whole world shook in front of my eyes. The last straw, who could bind me, was no more with me. I sat beside her; my eyes were burning in agony and frustration. I knew that humans are mortal yet I questioned myself as why she had to leave me. No one dreaded to console me or say anything to me, as everyone knew that I was the apple of her eye. There was no tear in my eyes, only pure black vacuum filled my soul. With clenched teeth I sat there motionless. My blank gaze was riveted on the peaceful sleeping face of my grandma. No noise of the surrounding people was able to enter my ears.

The sun was approaching the west horizon. Debadideb came to me and said that, “Adi, wake up. We have to take away Grandma.” I gave a cold vacuous stare at him. He looked helplessly at his parents and then said to me, “Adi, I am helpless.”
I nodded my head and bent down on her face to kiss her forehead for one last time. Still I was unable to come in terms that she was no more. No more soothing palm to ruffle my hair, no more jiggery and honey, no more mango milkshakes. I felt that all sweetness of my life was taken away.

People came, started to wrap her in cloth, and tied her on a bed. I stood up from her side and looked around. They took away my grandma. With staggering steps I walked towards my bike and started it.

Every pair of snivelled eyes was staring at me, unable to understand as what I was going to do. Even I was not sure as what I was doing.

Debadideb ran towards me and asked, “What are you doing? Are not you coming with us?”

My eyes were dry; I clenched my teeth and said in an ice cold voice, “I do not think that if I go with grandma then she would hug me. I lit my mother’s pyre, when I should be resting on her lap. I won’t be able to stand there and watch my precious being pushed in the electric chimney. Everything is finished for me, Deb. I am tired and I want to go home.”

I did not bother to look behind and ride away from there. The reasons of my sleepless nights kept on increasing.

[josef]

Chapter 6: Trough in alliance.
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My grandma’s demise hurled me into abyss. Seldom I spoke or smiled. Debadideb called me and asked me whether I was coming in the funeral function or not. I answered that I have lost the reason to visit my uncle’s house, all the threads tied with them was lost, first my mother then my grandmother. He said that, before passing away, grandma asked him to find a job for me at Durgapur. I answered that if he can then I would be grateful to him. He assured that he would look for a job and asked me to pull myself up. I smiled painfully and said to him that I was free then, at last all the straws around me has gone away and then I could take a deep dive into abyss. He said that, he and his wife would visit me.

Within few days, I pulled myself up. One fine morning, I found myself very much rejuvenated. I felt the soft winter breeze on my face. I took a deep breath of the cold breeze and said to myself that I have to get up and start all over again. I made up my mind that I would go away from the city that took away my mother and grandma. I had to go away for the sake of that beautiful butterfly towards which I was getting attracted. I made up my mind that whatever comes, I would refrain myself from coming near her again. I had to feign a fight with her, which would be the most painful in my life.



I had to complete what I started, so on the particular day I was there in the centre for enrolling myself for the final semester. I observed that Titli was waiting anxiously for me at the gate.

I observed that her curvaceous frame was draped in a brilliant blue coloured sari and short blouse. The dark colour made a beautiful contrast against her creamy complexion. Her face was radiant, she sported a beautiful smile on seeing me. She walked towards me slowly and stood beside me. I forgot all my promises that I made to myself.

I returned a soft smile and asked her, “How are you? What about your result?”

Her feminine fragrance was maddening along with her smile. “I am doing fine and I have got admission in M.Sc.”

“Good to hear that, I am really happy.” I answered.

“Why you are looking bit down today?” she looked deeply into my eyes.

I thought I was able to overcome all my pains, I didn’t know that still those eyes bore some marks of affliction. I answered her in a cold voice, “My grandma passed away last week.”

My words brought tears in her eyes. She almost shrieked, “What? I wanted to meet her?”

My grandma also wanted to meet with Titli; probably it was not the choice of fate. I said her, “I am fine, Titli. I have pulled myself up from that and I don’t want to hurl myself in more pain.”

She was unable to understand as what I meant. She looked deeply in my eyes, “There is something else in your eyes. You are a hard nut to crack, Adi.” I was not in a mood to carry on the conversation. She pulled me by my shirt and said, “Come on, drop me home.”


I did not bring my bike intentionally on that day because I knew that she would ask for a ride, her touch would melt my agonising conflicting heart and I might commit what I should not commit. I said to her, “I have not brought my bike. You have to go alone.”

She gave me a perplexed look and asked, “What? I have to go alone? Can’t we take a taxi?”

I feigned a bad headache, “No Titli, you have to go alone. I am not feeling well today.” the real ache was wringing my soul.

She smiled and said, “Ok don’t worry, we go to any medical shop to buy some medicine, then we take a taxi and you drop me home.”

Why can’t you understand Titli? I was about to shout at her, but her ever-smiling lips and sparkle of her eyes refrained me from doing so. I gave a faint smile and obeyed her.

I kept to myself for the whole ride. She kept on bubbling about how she spent her Puja holidays with her friends. I gave occasional smiles at her.

“Next week is my birthday and you are coming to my house.” She commanded me as if I was hers.

“Is that a request or invitation?” I gave a futile smile.

She gave me a stern smiling look, “No, it is neither a request nor invitation, it is my command and you are going to obey.”

“I will try.” I answered although I knew that I would not be attending her birthday.

“No try, I want you at me place. I have called all of my classmates and friends. There won’t be any problem.” She said to me.

I made her a false promise, “Ok I promise that I will be there.”


I could make up from her face that she was very happy to be with me after a long absence and she was happy to hear that I would be there at her birthday.

On that designated day, I restrained myself very hard to make a call to her house to wish her. I came home in the evening with a bottle of alcohol. After a couple of years, I was drinking again. I sat on the bed and poured the drink in a glass. All I was able to hear Anoushka’s voice as few glasses went down my throat. The walls were cowering over me and vehemently abusing me for being an ill-fated soul. I tried to drown those words as I poured more drink down my throat. I could fathom the future, I would propose her, she would be overjoyed, her father would be the hindrance and the result would be a pair of bloody soul. I made up my mind that I would not go to her birthday party at her house.

It was late at night the sound of the phone bell shattered the crowded silence around me.

“Hello..” I stammered.

“What are you doing at home? Why haven’t you come at my birthday?” Titli sounded very hurt.

My tongue felt dry, I stammered, “Why on earth, should I be present at your birthday?”

“You know why you should be present.” I imagined that her eyes were glistening as her voice was bit choked. She queried me, “Are you drinking?”

I hissed at her, “Yes I am. You know it very well that our relation cannot materialise due to your fathers stern nature. So stop playing with me Anoushka.” First time in months, I called her in proper name.

“Budhaditya, I HATE YOU.” She shouted on the other end and kept the phone.

I pressed the receiver on my chest and looked up the ceiling. Her last words echoed in the cavern of my ears for long time, “Budhaditya I hate you.” The walls and the windows also started to voice the same, “Budhaditya I hate you.” I closed my eyes and Titli’s beautiful deluged eyes were floating in front of me, she whispered in my ears, “I HATE YOU ADI for hurting me and I hate myself for coming close to you. I do not have the right to have a good friend like you. Please forgive me.”

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Chapter 7: Perfect harmony.(#1)
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Winter knocked on the door and covered the city with her harsh charms. Days turned to weeks. That small act of insanity hurled our cohesion into void space. Titli used to come to class as usual. Whenever I tried to look at her, she used to turn her face and talk to someone else. I observed the pain of severance was burning deep in her heart. I knew we had chosen the right path. Her pains against me would be a boon for both of us in turn. At least the breakup wont hurt our lives and hurl us in abyss of doom.

In the meantime, Debadideb informed me that once I complete my course, I would get some job at his place. I was happy to know that my days were numbered to face Titli’s tearful eyes.

Weeks turned to months and a new year dawned. The distance between us widened but no one around us was aware, as most of the fellow students knew nothing of our previous cohesion. Every evening I used to return in my bike and she used to take taxi to return home after class. Cold wintery nights brought painful reminiscences flooding in my mind. Sometimes I dreamt of my beloved mother cuddling me in her lap, sometimes I dreamt of my beloved grandma and her soothing palm on my head. All my loved ones standing around my bed anxiously waiting for me to sleep but the cruelty of fate did not allowed me to sleep peacefully.

The winter gave way for the autumn to step in. The winds were getting warmer day by day and the humidity in the air of Kolkata was rising again. Cool breeze kept the climate cool during the nighttime. Along with the humid warm air, there was evident fragrance of a void. We never exchanged a single word for about hundred days.

That Saturday noon we had an extra class in the centre. That day I was not on bike for some reason. After the classes were over, I stood at the bus-stand waiting for my bus to arrive. I noticed that Titli was standing at the bus-stand along with her friends. I was unable to understand why on that day she was waiting for the bus, she always take taxi. I kept on smoking my cigarette. She gave few glances at me with the corner of her eyes. She knew very well that I was watching her intently. Her face was red due to the hot sun overhead and few strands of her snaky locks were dangling on her cheek.

A bus arrived which was less crowded. Her friends went away and she was still standing. Rich girl, I laughed at her, always has to board taxi. She gave a piercing glance at me and then stepped forward to cross the road. A speeding bike came from the opposite direction and braked just before hitting her. She was taken by surprise and sprained her left ankle.

Suddenly my grandma whispered in my ears, “Adi, why are you standing here? How can you watch your love crying in pain in front of you? You are the apple of my eye, Adi. Go and win her heart, win her father’s heart. Take one step at a time, you have my blessing.” Her invisible hands pushed me.

I ran towards her and put my arms behind her before she could fall down. She was frightened as who held her, she looked at my face, a flash of anger sparked through. The rider got down from the bike and expressed his remorse for being rash. I shouted at him for driving so rashly.

Titli was unable to stand properly, yet she pushed me away. I looked at her burning eyes; her gaze was piercing my soul to the core. She was almost in tears due to her pain. I kneeled down at her feet and gently massaged her ankle to ease her pain.

She hissed at me, “Don’t dare to touch me. I don’t want your help, leave me alone.” She kicked me to free her ankle but I held her calf tightly and massaged her ankle gently to ease her pain. She shouted at me, “Leave me alone. I don’t need your help; I can take a taxi and go home.”

I left her ankle and stood up. She tried to walk but limped badly due to the pain. I put my hand on the small of her back and supported her. She looked back at me as I touched her. Her eyes were about to spill the beads of pearl.

I was having an intense pain in my soul after noticing the glistening eyes. “Titli, you are not able to stand properly, how come you will go home.” I asked her in a very calm voice. I waved at a taxi to stop. I looked at her and asked whether she would be able to walk or not.


She gave me a stern gaze and tried to limp towards the taxi. I shook my head, silly girl. I took her on my lap and carried her to the taxi. She resisted at first but my strong arms around her, restrained her from doing so.

Once inside, she looked at me with her tearful eyes. Those depicted a painful tale. I took her left leg on my lap and gently massaged her ankle. She tried to resist at first but I held her calf tightly. I asked myself as what was happening with me. I was losing myself to her.

I looked at her with hazy gaze and asked, “Feeling some respite, now?”

She looked at me with tearful eyes and slapped hard across my face. My cheek burnt, probably I needed that. She sobbed, “Don’t try to show your attitude to me?” She mocked me, “Feeling some respite now? I am no one to you so why do you care for me?”

“I am sorry, I don’t know, Titli.” My voice was choked.

She shouted at me, “Why don’t you go away from my life? Why don’t you let me sleep peacefully?”

I mumbled my apology to her, “I am sorry Titli, please forgive me for what happened.”

She slapped on my other cheek. “Forgive you after ruining my life? No, never.” She kept on pouring ire vehemently, “You don’t know what I had gone through. I won’t forgive you in my life time.”


Continued .....

[josef]

Chapter 7: Perfect harmony.(#2)
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“Ok don’t forgive me, but don’t shed those pearls please?” I tried to touch her cheek.

She bit her lower lips to control her tears as the pearl drops trickled down her cheeks. Her voice choked, “Forgive an idiot like you is my fate. My dad is going to kill me now.”

She looked outside the window. On the curve of her cheek, I observed large droplets of tears trickle continuously. I kept on massaging her ankle gently for quiet sometime. I was unable to stand before her snivelled eyes. After sometime, I said to her, “Parineeta called me few days after your birthday.”

She wiped her tears and looked at me, “I told her to call you.”

“Why? What happened at your house? Your dad told you something?” I asked her.

She gently nodded her head, “I was very upset on that day. After everyone left, I locked myself in my room. My father figured out something and he warned me. I had a fight with him telling him that he was making things up in his wild imagination. My mom intervened and pacified my dad. She then asked me the reason of my depression. I told her that I was upset because my best friend was not there.”

I smiled at her, “So did you cried that day?”

She snapped at me, “I will slap you hard. Did you cried? No, I did not, why should I cry for a coward idiot like you?” We both laughed.

I looked deeply in her eyes, “So we are good friends.” My hand was still on her ankle, I pinched her calf gently “How are you feeling now, fine?”

She blushed purple and brought her gaze down, her ears turned red, “Will you stop touching my ankle like that, Adi?”

Hearing my name again on those sweet lips, felt as honey to me. I said, “Ok, I won’t touch you but don’t be mad at me like that.” The hard ice started melting between us.

She touched my cheek and asked, “Did I hurt you very much?” I pressed her palm on my cheek and kissed her fingers gently.

She muttered, “You are a very hard nut to crack, Adi. I feel sometimes that you are a total stranger to me and I do not know who you are, I don’t know why you have come in my life?”

I said to her, “So you don’t know me? Shall I get down from the taxi then?”

She slapped playfully on my hand, “Don’t tease me. I am truly speaking that you are a very hazy character.”

I nodded my head, “Ok, so you want to know about me. I am five feet eight inches tall, few days short of turning twenty-seven and I live in a two room flat at Dumdum. I do a job at camac street and all my student life I spent in hostels. Most important thing is that, you have the faith upon me to keep your leg on my lap till now.”

She laughed heartily; her pearly teeth sparkled through those rose petals, “Very effective description. I will consider your application.”

We reached near her place. I asked her whether she would be able to walk to her house or not.

She barked at me, “What do you think of yourself? You carried me without my consent to the taxi and then never left my leg. Now you are asking me whether you can go from here or not? I am unable to walk.”

“Titli, think again.” I said in a calm voice.

She said, “Don’t worry Adi, dad is not at home only my mother is. Come on.”
She kept her arm on my shoulder as I helped her inside the house. A maidservant came running on seeing her in that condition. Titli was limping with my arm around her waist. The maid stood there perplexed for some time and then called for Titli’s mother.

I looked around the drawing room; it seemed that everything was bloating. I helped Titli to sit on the sofa. I wondered how come she was so friendly with a person like me.

Her mother entered and was frightened to see her with sprained ankle. She gave me an anxious look. I waved at her and assured her that nothing much has happened. I bowed down to touch her feet.

She smiled and placed her hand on my head. She asked “You must be Budhaditya, right?” I nodded at her.

She was an elegant lady, yet her nature and the smile she wore was very much motherly and down to the earth. I was then able to understand as what made Titli so different from others.

Her mother sat beside her and asked me, “How did this happen?” Titli told her the whole story as how the bike rushed how she sprained her ankle and how I brought her home. She said that she was fine and her pain was dissipating.


She smiled at her and said, “Yes I should not worry much about you. You have now grown up.”

Titli sat beside her mom with her arms around her neck. Aunt was gently rubbing her soothing palm over her head. I enjoyed the beautiful canvas of a loving mother caring her beautiful daughter.

I asked their permission to leave but aunt requested to have lunch with them. She said to me that I visited their house for the very first time so I should at least have something. Aunt asked me whether I would like to have some tea or not. I nodded to express that I would like to have some.

Titli got up from the sofa, smiled at me and said to her mother, “I am going to the kitchen.”

I observed that her mom’s face was enlightened, “Are you sure? Tell the maid servant she will prepare.”

Titli paid no heed at her words. She walked away with a slight limp and smile on her lips. After she left us alone, aunt asked me, “What do you do?”

“I did my graduation in physics from Narendrapur RK Mission College and then I joined in an electrical consultancy firm. I am planning to change my field after completing this computer course.” I answered her.

She took a deep breath and said to me “Titli wants to be a teacher after completing her Masters. She pestered us to get her admitted to that course so as to keep up with the time.”

I nodded my head, “I know that very well, Auntie. She is intelligent and silly at the same time.”

She looked at my face and kept quiet for some time. I was unable to fathom as what was running inside her head. She smiled and asked me, “How do you know all these about, Titli?”

Very aptly, I answered, “It is evident Auntie, she is doing Masters and also learning the latest technologies hand in hand. That shows her intelligence.”

I turned away the course of the conversation by asking about her son, Titli’s brother. She told me that, Arunavo just appeared for higher secondary exams, results were waiting. He was very naughty and he was not at home.

She said to me, “Next time you visit our house, I am not going to leave you without having lunch.”

I smiled at her, “Provided you are cooking. I don’t want antacid in my dessert.”

She laughed heartily upon hearing, “Don’t worry, you tell me what do you want in lunch and I will cook for you.”

I smiled at her and said, “Even if you prepare sukto (a Bengali dish) that will be sweet. I will relish whatever you prepare. But don’t forget to pass some of your culinary knowledge to your mirthful daughter.”

She smiled but after few moments her smile vanished, “Sometimes I worry too much about her future. She is jolly and makes friends so easily.” Motherly concern was dripping from her voice.

I persuaded her, “Don’t worry auntie. Actually she is very diplomatic and knows her acquaintances very well. She may have lots of friends but does not rely on people too easily.”

She smiled and looked directly in my eyes, “Really? I did not know that she was diplomatic. I think you are very much cognizant with her.”


Continued....

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